The Hornsounder - June 05

Ok! Well it has been a long time coming, but as we are now an Offical ORG, The Cavalry has done a Newsletter for the Band to sum up the events of the last month. We hope you enjoy!

Massive Streaking Terrorizes Local Pub's
By Canis Rufus

It has been reported that in several of the divisional bars there have been a massive explosion of public nudity. The events apparently began on a particularly quite afternoon when the Band was on furlough from the Dragonmount. The sightings reported thus far have been unagitated and completely unabashed with several full frontal nudity perpetrators in question. As the tension mounts and local authorities look to find culprits it seems the Band is being tight lipped as ever. Which is to say they are too busy drinking to talk. One eye witness that we managed to pry the drink out of his mouth had this to say.
"Yep the were naked willies and brazen bums all over the place. It was like everyone had gone into one of them there mass hysteria thingies. Yep now give me back my brew." The local women’s league has supposedly band together to form a collation to stop the random streaking but were dissuaded by several of the Infantry band members. To date the Band has denied all claims of hedonism but have been quoted in saying. "What happens in the Band stays in the Band."

A Nasty Niff
By Corki

Over the last couple of days, there has been a pungent smell around the camp. Band members have been working extremely hard to scout out the cause of the bad smell. The stables were thoroughly checked, but no clue to the smell was found. Eventually, the offending item was found and removed. And for those who are interested (and who isn't!!!), the item was the Under-Commander's underpants, which were found on top of the flag poll. Cumadrin has stayed hidden in his tent, ignoring anybody who questions him on this rather embarrasing incident. The Band member who carried out this prank has not been caught yet.

First HAND Advice!
By Snazzy Razzy

Tired of struggling to figure out answers to all of the problems Life's been throwing your way? Allow me to help! PM me your predicament and I'll have all your problems sovled in two shakes of a horse's tail!

Dear Razzy - I've often wondered...why do cows eat grass? Sincerely, Holy Cow!
Dear Holy Cow! - It's quite simple actually. Cows eat grass because they like it. Get a hobby.

Dear Razzy - Why don't any girls like me? Sincerely Clueless in Denver
Dear Clueless - Try taking a bath.

Dear Razzy - How can I get a cheerleader to go out with me? Sincerely, Ready to Bone
Dear Ready to Bone - I suggest a large amount of alcohol.

Dear Razzy - I'm tired of being picked on by guys! How can I get them to respect me and quit looking at my boobs all the time? Sincerely, Big Boobs Betty
Dear Big Boobs Betty - try a sex change operation.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
By Canis Rufus

This month saw Dark days indeed. A ferocious Battle between the Divisions broke out around the middle of the month causing wide spread panic, not the music group but that would have been cool. Mostly for the Bar keeps due to lack of Battle Brew sales. The initial conflicts that instigated the event is still in question and authorities are baffled. The use of illegal clones were ramped and powerful S.P.A.M. Bombs. For those unaware of what a "Spam Bomb" is, the same article (or essentially the same article) posted an unacceptably high number of times or a big ugly blotch that wreaks havoc on the face of a Division by exploding hordes of unwanted trash all over. While many spectators were very amused by this, the Divisional leaders were less than thrilled as it is tradition for them to pick up the trash. There are no causalities reported yet though there still seems to be a few clones running a muck. Divisions are fighting those as they are made aware.

Uncle Matty's Reviews
By Mattrim_Cauthon

Maiden's Kiss - The Board Game
Review By: Impostare

I was reading the Three-fold post a few weeks ago and I saw an add for Maiden's Kiss - The Board Game and I was soooo excited I ordered one!

The game came with three spears, band aids, a sheet on how to dial 911, and instructions I was so glad I got my game I just had to find someone to play with me! in my excitment though I stumbled right to the house of maiden's here in my home town. and now I read the instructions on all the games I buy!

WARNING: NOT TO BE PLAYED WITH REAL MAIDEN'S OF THE SPEAR IT HURTS!! (warning label at the top of the Maiden's Kiss instruction sheet)

Saa Contact Lenses
Review By: Razzy

The other day I was in Cauthon's Tricks and Treasures and saw in stock some Saa contact lenses. I was quite intrigued, so I bought a pair.

The lenses were a bright blue in color with black flecks spread here and there. The trick is when you blinked, the lenses had tiny little raised bumps on them that would stick to your eyelids when you blinked, turn slightly and when you opened your eyes, the black specks appeared to have moved.

Well, I thought myself VERY hot stuff and proceeded to show all my friends. However, next thing I know, Forsaken are coming out of the woodwork and attacking me as they seemed to think I was going to be Nae'blis. That would explain why I'm in a bodycast and have resorted to writing reviews.......

Aginor’s "Make Your Own Shadowspawn Kit"
Review By: Sgt. Cauthon

Well being a military man I hear about these type of kits I mean what good officer wouldn't want ruthless cold-blooded killin machines under his command so I went right out and bought one of these little beasties.

These kits come with a full assortment of battle ready parts such as bears snouts, eagle claws, and goat horns but sadly on the box is printed "brains not included" so I had a problem I had the ultimate fighting machine and he would do was pick his nose and munch on a private when he got hungery. and what do you think happened when I called customer support? they tried to sell me a fade to keep my trolloc under control!

Jak O' The Shadows Contest
Selected by the Band

And the winner of this months Jack O' the Shadows contest!!

Do you hear the battles din,
Are you out or are you in
Will you grimace or will you grin
In the Dance with the jak O' shadows

Do you feel you have the luck
down amongst the mud and muck
will you run or are you stuck
In the Dance with the jak O' shadows

Well we members of the Band
have our luck well in hand
and well always make a stand
In the Dance with the jak O' shadows

Adrian444
Advanced Cavalry Scout

We at the Band hope that you have enjoyed our Newsletter and hope to make next months even better. Questions or comments can be directed here and we will do our best to answer them!

Canis Rufus
Newsletter Co-ordinator