The Hornsounder - Volume 1, Edition 5 (November 05)
October has drawn to a close and November is now upon us. And that also means that another edition of The Hornsounder is to be published! And here it is!
We have our usual features, like our monthly Jak O' The Shadows competition, as well as a round up of promotions. This month we continue our look at the ORG drinks as we an insight into the new Band drink, Cherry Bomb Brew, and an article on some nasty criminal activity concerning the Marshal-General within the Band. Of course, its all lies! North Star did it! 
Plus there is news on the changing of the guard in terms of the leadership of each division!
So, take a refreshing Battle Brew, find a comfy seat, and just sit back and relax as you read this month's publication of The Hornsounder.
As always, if you have a funny, serious, or interesting article, we would love to hear from you! Just submit your work into The Hornsounder section of the off board sites, and it will get published, earning you 1 ORG point! So get writing!
Corki
Temporary Editor of The Hornsounder
BotRH ORG Leader
Marshal-General
Corki: Criminal Mastermind or Poor Scapegoat?
Captain Mallett of the Infantry
Here is a late night news report from BNN (Band News Network) as Corki gets escorted from his tent by Red-Arms.
“Good Evening viewers, I’m Captain Mallett and I am reporting at the scene of perhaps one of the most heinous crimes in Band history. Behind me is the tent of Marshal-General Corki who has been taken away to face punishment for the crime of word manipulation upon the Band’s boards. Corki had the audacity to make changes that converted the Band’s beloved brew to bandy. This mass poisoning campaign could have caused the death of many unsuspecting Banders if it wasn’t for the swift action of his put-upon girlfriend Northstar. Corki, the absolute cad, then tried to push the blame onto Northstar to hide his own nefarious deeds”
“Earlier, I interviewed Corki’s next door neighbour and servant Goodbody”
*The scene changes to a close up of Goodbody*
“Well Master Corki was always the nicest of employers. Very quiet and polite he does be. He always kept the music down after dark, and would always help me with the rubbish to the pit. He kept he shoes nice and clean, left me no work at all. He even left me have a whole hour off when I had to bury my brother after a Trolloc attack”
*switches back to Mallett*
“So what could have possibly happened to change this mild mannered hero into a Criminal Mastermind? To answer this we enlisted the help of world renowned psychology expert Dr WK!”
“So WK, … simply why?”
*switches to WK who is grinning inanely at the camera before realising what he’s doing and turns to Mallett*
“It’s not uncommon for those that keep a low profile to actually be planning crimes of this magnitude. I think you probably need to look to his childhood. His parents probably repressed him and caused him to have these deep seated criminal urges.
He probably was teased in younger years because of his exotic name… Porki and Dorki are probable examples of the names, and so he has been building a web of revenge from an early age.”
*Back to Mallett*
“But Dr WK, what of Northstar? He really did seem to truly care for her right up to the moment he used her as a scapegoat?”
“Yes, and in his mind he probably still does, but the criminal urges stop him from taking the rap and when they kick in no one is safe from the consequences. When those urges kick in he would probably sell his Grand Mother to Trollocs for meat for a groat!”
“But while we are here I’d like to state that there is nothing wrong with bandy and this is a travest………...”
*two heavies drag Dr WK away kicking and screaming*
“Corki has claimed his innocence from day one and even now after the courts decision has not changed his plea. Even now as they take him away for punishment does he still cry that his girlfriend Northstar did it all and he is the victim. Earlier I had a chance to speak to a very distressed Northstar”
*tear streaked face, Northstar tries to hide her mouth behind a hanky*
“I feel totally devastated that my beloved Corki wasn’t that nice man he always claimed to be, but a Criminal Mastermind. He had me totally deceived. I feel sick to my stomach of what he has done in trying to blame me. But if you would excuse me I really don’t want to talk about it.”
*Northstar runs into her tent and howls of laughter can be heard in the background*
“All I can hear is the terrible howls of sorrow coming from Northstar’s tent. I think that sums up Corki’s crime. A crime that has left the whole of the Band’s community totally devastated”
“Captain Mallett reporting for BNN”
*Mallett makes a ‘cutting’ motion to the camera*
Bombs Away!
By Sheliara_aDahlin, Corporal of the Archers
It's new, exciting, and sweeping across the Band at record speed! Seen one too many recruits baring their red teeth and mouths at each other? Seen rowdy companions covered in red? Well, it's not your imagination! Those fortunate souls are the ones who have tried the fabulous new drink of the Band of the Red Hand. The one and only Cherry Brew Bomb!
Never heard of it? Well here's the scoop! This rich and hearty drink was created by Sheliara a'Dahlin, and when asked, the brewmaker said how she came up with it. This is what she said. "I come from the Red Ajah, and we are obsessed with Cherries. Since the Band of the Red Hand has a lot of red in it, I figured I needed to bring a little of the red to the band in a new drink sure to bring a whole new meaning to the red hand!" she is closemouthed on the recipe, however our sources have told us it includes a great deal of red dye, cherries, red rum and several different varieties of brew.
So if you haven't had the opportunity to taste this famous drink, you don't know what you are missing! So drink up and revel in the redness.
Desert Life - one soldier’s journey
By Footman, Lieutenant of the Infantry
We in the band haven’t had a desert campaign as of yet, so I thought now would be a good time to give everybody a bit of a prelude should we ever end up there. All this I know from experience!
The plane lands in Oman and the rear door opens. Expecting a bit of relief from the heat as the door opens, I’m disappointed by the intense heat wafting in. Figuring it had to be the heat off of the engines. I grab my duffle bag and sling it on a shoulder, then my other duffle bag on the other shoulder. Picking up my two kit bags, I carry all my gear that should sustain me for a year towards the bus, just waiting to get away from the damn engine heat. We walk, it gets hotter. It sucks! The bus driver meets us in a brown t-shirt and battle dress uniform pants (damn Air Force and their not being in uniform!) to help us onto his bus. I ask what temperature it is. “100-110 degrees F.” He calmly informs me. It was midnight! 100 degrees in the middle of the damn night! The driver took us to an air-conditioned tent so we could get some sleep. Sleep would be nice! 3 days of travel and 8 different countries (some I’ve never heard of) can wear a soldier out. The tent was a freezing 80 degrees F. I love the Air Force and their creature comforts! I unrolled my sleeping bag and curled up inside to try and warm up. 80 degrees and I was COLD!
Four days and three countries later, I’m in Baghdad. The Army had rolled through and taken over presidential palaces. I lived in a half blown up outer building of one palace that might have been nice once… maybe. I spent the nights on a cot in a pool of my own sweat trying to figure out if the holes in the wall were from shrapnel or bullets. You don’t sleep in the desert with the heat and the gunfire and explosions. Even without the gunfire and explosions, you still didn’t sleep (too damn scared I’d drown in my sweat while sleeping)!
We took a helicopter ride to a chemical plant that made pesticides. The factory was in the middle of nowhere. You may think you’ve been to the middle of nowhere, but I assure you, you were somewhere. The only way to get to where we were was by helicopter or a train ride. We followed those train tracks for three hours by air, and had flown an hour before coming upon the tracks. We were there for 2 days, but that turned into a week while they repaired the bird. Then sand storms hit and we were there another 3 days. In that time I didn’t see a train. I saw sand. I ate sand. I had sand in body crevices that don’t exist, but sand found them! Has anybody ever wiped their rear with sand paper? In a sand storm, every sheet of toilet paper becomes sand paper. I wore my gas mask so I could breath. That lasted 4 hours before the filter clogged with sand. I used a bandana around my mouth and nose. That just collected the sand so you were able to eat more. Imagine the feeling of sand in your swim suit at the beach. No cover your entire body with that feeling and you are on a beach that is several hundred miles long before you see water! We saw the Sand storm coming and went for shelter. It looked exactly like the one you see in Hidalgo! EXACTLY!
That, Banders, is desert life!
Infantry Round-Up as I Step Down
Banner Captain Mallett of the Infantry
Well the Infantry over the past two months has hit a ‘Golden Age’ as it were. And because of that we have seen some new faces and return of an old Private to the active roll. This has been very pleasing as I feel the active Infantrymen this past term have put in a lot of work.
I have been pleased to see how many victories the Infantry men are having in The Band’s Game. We may be few but we are a force to be reckoned with. And I fully appreciate all those that let Cam win so he doesn’t skulk and hide in his tent. So my thanks go out to you all. I am looking forward to seeing Infantrymen in the higher reaches of The Band’s Game to see how our skills match to the other high end weapons available.
We also saw a brief appearance of Mushu, we are still sorely missing his input and we hope we get to have him back full time soon. We also saw Jur Grady go LOA, but for very good reasons as RL took him away to the Army. I hope your doing well and we will see you soon.
The Infantry Bar is as mad cap as ever. It possibly has the longest Bar Fight in history, and we would like to thank Footy for starting it. I know I’m biased but lately I feel the Infantry has become the ‘comedy’ regiment of the Band with antics that are always good for a laugh. But we would like to thank all those that played along with some of the stupid things we did. You know who you are and you should be ashamed of yourselves, your supposed to be adults
Finally I have been proud of the contribution of Infantrymen to JoS and the Hornsounder over the last couple of months. Thank you very much.
Well as I return to simple Captain Mallett I want to thank each and every Infantryman for the effort and entertainment they have added to the Band. You should be proud of yourselves.
*salutes*
Take Over!
By Blade, Captain-General of the Archers
They had been secretly plotting from day one. Hidden in the background and spurned by all of the other units, they planned and waited for their day.
They were the best at what they did. Led by a stiff core of great leaders like Cumadrin and Northie, they waited. Finally an opportunity presented itself, and they struck in what has now become infamous throughout band history as the spam wars. A flurry of activity continued late into the night as divisions penetrated each other's secret boards and rampaged across them with wild abandon. After a couple of days, the destruction laid about on both sides was too great, and a truce was called, but the archers had staked their claim as a great unit within the band.
As a result of their bold attack, recruits began to trickle into the archers and were trained under Northie's reign to become great archers themselves. They selected blade as Banner-Captain, and then when Northie had too step down, nominated him to become their next Captain-General. Blade immediately went to work with the fervor only a new leader could have. The trickle of people became a flood, and all other divisions stood in awe of the power base that the archers had created.
In a fit of envy, Mallet attempted a take over of the archers, but was stopped and captured before his tricksome plan came to fruition. Even now, the archers are in a secret conference, planning what would be an appropriate punishment for the low act.
With their power now greatly increased, the archers unleashed a new type of attack on the rest of the boards. One of their new recruits who hailed from the Red Ajah of the White Tower, had perfected a new and devastating type of bomb. The cherry bomb. With thier new weapons in hand, the archers now reign supreme over the band of the red hand, and the red dyed masses cower in awe and fear, of the Band of the Red Hand's Archers.
The Marshal-General's Monthly Recommendation
By Corki, The Marshal-General
I sit here, wondering what I could say. What can I recommend?? I have done a book, but haven't read anything recently except my set texts for university! And I doubt that many of you would be too interested in texts around and over 2,000 years old! I have also done a film, but haven't been to the cinema in ages as I am waiting for Narnia and a few other films to finally come out. I talked about London, and Plymouth is the only other place I have been too recently. A nice city, but probably a place that not many of you will go to.
So, here I am, sitting and thinking about what I have been doing a lot of recently. I hear you all shout out "work"! If only! I have been really bad and done very little! Its my reading week now, so time to catch up! So, what have I been doing most of the time, except for posting on DM and the Band's boards? Well, it is gaming! I have all of a sudden become addicted to online games. I don't know why I started, but I just did! Anyway, currently, there are two games I am playing - The OGame, and Utopia.
The OGame (www.ogame.org) was shown to me by General Mat. I looked at it and decided to join up after reading the rules. It seemed very much like a space version of Age of Empires, which I love so much! I am a bit of a strategy freak when it comes to games! Instead of gold, stone and wood, you collect metal, crystal and deuterium. Like AoE, you do research to increase the rate at which you generate these basics. However, the higher level you go, the more energy you need. So, you keep needing to update your Solar Plant to maximise your production. I am still at the ealry stages of the game, but you can build research labs and building yards to improve your planet. And eventually, when you have built up a fleet of spcaeships, the fun of invading other planets and defending your own begins! I can't wait!
The other game, Utopia (http://games.swirve.com/utopia/) is also like AoE, but instead is set in a Medieval Fantasy era. You take control of a province within a kingdom, and start expanding your province. You search for new land, put up new buildings, increase your army, research new technologies - anything to improve your kingdom. You have a certain time limit when you can't invade any other provinces, whether they be in your own or another kingdom. You can take land, prisoners of war, wood, gold, anything! Again, I am at the early stages of this game, but can't wait to invade! I am building up my forces already!
So, if you get bored over the next month, then go and check out one of these games to waste away a few hours...maybe even days! You never know! Just go and have a look! You never know, you could have a load of fun!
Jak O' The Shadows Contest
The Winning Verse By A Band Member
The October edition of The Hornsounder sees another Jak O' The Shadows Contest. October was a busy month for the Redarms, as we had quite a few members who misbehaved. Therefore, the popular topic for the stanzas was punishment. As usually, only two verses were allowed.
The competition was entered by 3 members, who each submitted verses. There was a lack of voting, which was a shame considering the quality of the writing. However, we had a clear winner, with 60% of the votes. Well done Footy! Below are the winning verses!
Cam and Lazy up on display
Locked in the stocks for evil ways
Bound as long as Helike Should say
'Till they dance with the Jack o' the Shadows
Whips and chains and hot irons too
Rusty gauntlets jammed in the two
But not a scream from the laughin' fools
While they dance with the Jack o' the Shadows
Now, lets get thinking about next month's topic. And remember to vote!
Changing of the Guard!
By Corki,The Marshal-General
October saw the end of the leadership of the current Captain-Generals for each division. The last two months have definitely been the most fun, and I would like to thank all those involved. I would also like to thank Helike, the Redarm Leader, for making the Redarms more prominant, and getting them involved more in the Band. They also added to the fun of the Band!
So, as November begins, we have some old and new faces to lead the divisions. Below is a quick summary of who is in charge for each division.
DancingBlade has stepped down from Captain-General of the Archers, as real life has unfortunately taken over. We hope to see you around when you can get to the fires! As a result, North Star, a former Captain-General of the Archers, has taken over, announcing Helike as her Banner-Captain.
TheWitchKing remains in charge of the Cavalry, leading them for a second term. Razz and Magnus Rufus, two of the _______ of the Cavalry, have been chosen as Banner-Captains for the division.
The Infantry have a new leader. Cam has stepped down after leading the Infantry forward and upwards for two terms. The new Captain-General is Footman, a reward for his hard work over the last few months. Cam is still in a position of power, as he was picked as the Banner-Captain.
As North Star cannot count, we have 7 Redarms this month! Jeannaisais, Seryanne and Sheliara_aDahlin are Archers' Redarms; F Horn of Valere and Lazy_Man are the Cavalry representetives; and Mallett and True Source (Masema) are from the Infantry. Mallett will be leading the Redarms as he is the highest ranked Redarm, and has already laid down his law!
I look forward to working with all of you! Lets make the Band of the Red Hand even better than it has been the last few weeks and months!
Carai an Shen an Calhar!!!!
Monthly Promotions
By North Star, Captain of the Archers
October has been by far the best month for promotions so far! Overall there were 13 promotions, shared out amongst 12 Band Members. Well done to F Horn of Valere who managed to get 2 promotions in the month, and just missed out on 3! Great work!
Below is a summary of those promoted, and to which rank.
Captain
Mallett
Lieutenant
DancingBlade
Helike
Lazy_Man
TheWitchKing
Sergeants
F Horn of Valere
Footman
StaffMaster
Corporal
Goldeneyes
Jeannaisais
Seryanne
Sheliara_aDahlin
Lets see if we can beat 13 promotions next month! Keep putting in the good work and we will!
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